July 29, 2026

WHINE WEDNESDAY: Van Orden’s Twitter Use Wrapped

Welcome to Whine Wednesday with Derrick Van Orden, America’s fiercest keyboard warrior. We comb through the hundreds of tweets DVO posts during a week so you don’t have to. Grab a glass and join us for Whine Wednesday!

MADISON, Wis. — Van Orden has had quite the head-spinning past two weeks as evidenced by his 208 tweets. From interacting with OnlyFans Modes to making fun of people for balding, you can find all the highlights (or lowlights) of Van Orden’s online presence this past week below.

DVO’S DADDY OF THE WEEK:  Stephen Miller 

Derrick Van Orden has continued his pattern of singing his praises to his superiors. In a speech where Stephen Miller was being, well, Stephen Miller, and inflating the Trump administration’s accomplishments in a very dramatic way, Van Orden had to hit the post with his standard “correct” reply. 

But honestly, if Derrick wants to keep propping up this administration, we say let him! He is obviously dying on a hill to defend ICE and their incredibly unpopular agenda, so if he wants to keep hyping them up instead of focusing on making life more affordable for his constituents, we say let him be while we work on defeating him in November. 

WORST TAKE: Let’s AI Generate Political Figures

This Whine Wednesday editor recalls concerns from when AI was in the early stages of development that politicians would AI generate images of other politicians or international leaders to spread false information. And what would you know, Derrick Van Orden, always one to support innovation, is leading the charge on AI generating international political figures. He decided to AI generate a video of an advisor to the Iranian Supreme Leader.

This is so redundant, but we cannot believe that we have to sit here and say how insane it is that a sitting congressman AI generated a video of a political adversary of a country we are literally at war with! But we guess making AI videos to fit his distorted version of reality while in real life service members are continuing to die and gas prices are climbing once again is easier for Van Orden than doing his job and legislating to bring an end to this war. 

BALDY’S BACK! 

Back when we first started writing Whine Wednesday, we couldn’t help but notice Van Orden’s obsession with other people’s hairlines. He’s been quiet for a bit on this very important issue, but do not fret! Baldy Van Orden is back and making fun of other people for being balding once again. 

The question continues: Does Van Orden not know that he is bald himself? Is he jealous of men who still have hair on their head? Why is he so obsessed with looking at people’s hairlines? It truly gets to a point. Also, just a show of this dude’s character and legislative skills. Rather than engaging in a discussion over the policies the speaker is laying out, Van Orden comments on appearance. Vanity alert, anyone?

WHOOPSIE DAISY: Van Orden gets caught interacting with OnlyFans model on main!

Last week, we experienced a rarity from Van Orden: he deleted a tweet. Mind you, this is a guy who didn’t delete a tweet when he accidentally tweeted that he enjoyed “long wanks in the woods.” So what led to this erasure? Van Orden was tweeting at OnlyFans model Skylar Skye.

Big yikes man. Listen, we understand that Van Orden probably didn’t know that this was her career, however, it says a lot about the kind of content Van Orden is getting on his timeline. Essentially, why is an OnlyFans model popping up on the twitter feed of a sitting congressman enough that he feels the need to interact with her? Perhaps that is the reason his screentime is so high.

 Sincerely, 

DVO’s Whine Club

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